Blessed are the meak for they will inherit the world.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I don’t know how to really open myself up to God and that bothers me. I feel like I will never know the answers that I’m seeking until I learn to listen to Him. I’m just not sure how to actually do that. I should definitely figure that out if I plan on working in the ministry. Or maybe it’s just something I will find along the way. Either way I can see that God has blessed me and continues to bless me again and again. It bothers me knowing that I don’t deserve these blessing, although I am eternally thankful for them. I wish I didn’t feel like I was wasting the blessing He’s given me. I don’t know what chance I’m on but God has given me more chances, been more patient and encouraging than I could have ever imagined. I fully believe that if God didn’t have something important in mind for me that I would have died in that car crash. I know it. I know that God saved me from that. God and nothing else. No miracle of machinery or technology, no skill or luck on my part, no aero dynamical equation, no. Nothing but God and His loving hand saved me from dying in that crash. I walked away from what could have been a fatal crash with only a tender ribcage to remind me that I am not indestructible. God pulled me from what could have been and probably should have been death. God saved me. God saved me for a reason. I want to know what it is. I want to fulfill God’s purpose for me. God saved my life so I could live for Him and I want to spend my live doing what He saved me to do. The only problem is I don’t know what that is. I feel terrible that God saved me and I am not thanking Him every day by living the life He set out for me. I wish I knew what to do. I feel like I have fallen so far from what God wants of me. Fallen so far from where I once was. At least then there had been hope for me. I feel like I have lost hope and faith in myself. I only hope that God hasn’t. I feel as though He hasn’t. He is still blessing me, giving me little signs, little miracles here and there to remind me that He’s there and He loves me. He answers my important prayers and I like to think is amused by my unimportant ones. I know that God is present in my life and I feel Him very strongly right now as I write this. Maybe this is the answer….just to tell people about God. About how God has saved me and continues to save me. Maybe that is the life God wants me to lead. I don’t know. Maybe. There is always hope.