At long last, a verdict has been reached.....

You know what I have realized? That I do not want to be a music major. It’s not a matter of anything but that, I don’t want to. I don’t enjoy it and it’s not what I want. This may sound strange, it sounded strange to me. I thought it was stressing me out because it was hard and I felt insignificant, but it turns out it was stressing me out and making me feel insignificant because it’s not right for me. I was sitting in my Aural exam (shut up, it’s aural not oral) and it wasn’t nearly as hard or stressful as I thought it was going to be. At first I was really excited, like “Hey I can do this major after all yay.”, but then I got really sad. Like disappointed. Disappointed that I couldn’t do the English thing. That made me realize, I don’t really want to be music major. I’ve always wanted to teach, but I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of being a teacher because I have had some really bad teachers in my time. But being a band director was a totally safe way to be a teacher without falling into any of the bad stereotypes I had for teachers. Now that of course is not the only reason I wanted to be a band director. I love music, I love band, and I would love to lead a band, write music and drills and teach music. However… in school I would always catch myself noticing what teachers were doing in class and thinking of what I would do differently, but I would always check myself on it. Now I don’t feel the need too. I am very excited about this. I am very excited to be an English teacher. That’s what I’m going to do. I am going to be an English major with a pre-education option. I am so excited about it. I’m glad I realized that all the uncertainty I was feeling about music and what I wanted to do is because I just wasn’t pursuing what I actually want to do. I am even happier that I have realized what I really want to do and I am ecstatic to begin. Don’t get me wrong, I am still going to pursue music, just not in the way that I had originally planned. I still love music, I am still passionate about music, but doing it as a major was sucking the life out of it for me. That was unacceptable. So now that I have realized what I am actually meant to do, I can go back to happily enjoying and learning about music in peace. I finally know something. I am going to be an English major. Hah.