This diva needs her stage

So it is 6:30 in the morning and I have been up all night looking for a show I could audition for. I need to act. It hurts. It is a tangible physical pain. I miss it. I need it. I need to either act or stage manage. Hell I would settle for being the lowest techy on the totem pole. I just need theatre. It has been too long. It’s like fire in my chest and its making me nervous and twitchy. I can’t find a single freaking show though. Effing auditions for the theatre department here took place last quarter, aka the quarter of doom. Needless to say I missed them. Auditions for the summer show in Springfield are tomorrow and Saturday, not freaking likely. Plus I am apparently at an age where stage acting is null. I am too old to play a child and too young to play an adult. Where are the shows for those of us between puberty and midlife crisis? What I really want is to be in a legitimate show. I want so bad to be in “Phantom” or “Wicked” or “Rent” or “Into the Woods” those are all musicals…sue me. No where seems to have any friggin auditions coming up. I’ve either missed them already or they don’t exist. I literally typed in Ohio theatre into Google and looked at every single listing that came up. Every. Single. One. Can you even imagine? Yeah, the closest thing I found was “Assassins”, but my age is my enemy as far as that goes cuz the female roles call for 30’s. Yeah, I doubt I can pull of 30. Anyway, it hurts and I need it to stop. I may see if I can work for Dan and Geoff at the Pac this summer just to get near it. I can run spot or something. It may not be Stage Manager and it may not be Leading Lady, but at least its stage. It’s like a drug and I’m going through withdrawal. *Takes a deep breath.* I need my stage fix. I need a script to follow. I need a director to listen to. I need to be surrounded by divas. It’s sick but it’s true. Ahhhhh! I would do “Fuente” again at this point. That’s how bad it is. Seriously. If I had ANY free time in my schedule I would take an acting class, just to get the rust off myself. I’m this close to creating gorilla theatre just to keep myself from going insane. Ahhhh! I keep wishing I could have the Christine Daae moment when the leading lady loses her mind and someone kindly suggest that Christine could play the role and then she timidly steps forward and blows everyone away and is now the diva of the theatre and the envy of every woman on that stage. Ok mine doesn’t need to be quite that dramatic but you get the general idea. I want a lead. I want a romantic lead. In fact if I could play Christine Daae I would be ecstatic beyond my imagination. Anyway…..that is my current obsession. The need for my stage fix. I am in theatre withdrawal.

Slam the door shut, burn the bridge and see whats left in the morning.

Well this is it. The last day of this terrible quarter. For me at least. I am so sick and tired of this quarter. It has by far been my worst academic experience since ….well I’m sure you all remember. So now it is over. *takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly, sighs* I am so glad it’s over. Let us leave it far behind us and never return to it. Ever. That is the only good thing about the past, it is over. We cannot go back. Of course sometimes this is the reason the past is bad, but in this case I am happy to leave the past far behind me. (I’ll just hope it doesn’t do what the past has such a tendency to do and creep up on me later when I am least expecting it…) I’ll leave the mathematics and mechanics of suffering in a major I no longer enjoy to fade into nothing but memories. What a nice thought. I thank you for taking the journey with me, those of you who have. Here’s to a better future and a happier life.

Happy St. Patrick’s day as well.

Spring Break ....or so it would seem.....

What is a break? A break is meant to be a time to relax. A time to forget about your worries and responsibilities. A time to sit back and evaluate where you are and where you would like to be. A time to decide if the work is worth the prize, if the pleasure’s worth the pain. Sometimes a break feels like it has been a long time coming. Sometimes a break feels like it’s exactly what you need. But sometimes not. Sometimes the idea of a break is scary. What if the break ruins the direction of the work? What if the break makes you not want to work anymore? What if the break makes you realize that you like the break better than what you have been doing, so you don’t do anything anymore? What if a break makes you give up everything? Still, if treated properly a break can be a well deserved nap, a small vacation away from the day to day stress that is life. Hopefully this break will be a positive reinforcement of what I have believed in. Hopefully this break will strengthen my passions, not make me abandon them. Hopefully I can learn from this break how to better live my life. Hopefully this break yields happy, positive results. Hopefully this break will end.